no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
