Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
