Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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