you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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