Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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