you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
