White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
