Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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