my phone needs a breathalizer
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Is it because I queefed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize