You're a womanizer and a bitch.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
