When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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