worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
