you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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