I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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