I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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