I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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