Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
