GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
