I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
