Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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