you win again, gameday.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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