found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
