Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
