M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
