Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
