also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we're making bets on your personal life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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