I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize