and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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