Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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