I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
