I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
