My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
