On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
