Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
