im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The ass gains better be worth it
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