it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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