i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
