we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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