Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
