i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
