I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
