Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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