ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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