Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize