So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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