how can u be prego again
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
