tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
