I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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