My liver just broke up with me...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
