and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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