While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
