I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
