Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
