So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you would pick up someone in the library
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
