I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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