I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
