I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
