paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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