Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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