I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
