Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
