Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
