mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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