Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
